Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Day that ate Christmas.

It's ugly.

Failed baking and failed fulling all in the same day.

Seriously, you may want to avert your eyes and come back at a later date. Run now, I'll wait.

OK, for those hearty souls up for the story, it actually starts last night. Setting: my kitchen. Action: Me happily whipping up 4 batches of my famous ginger bread dough..."men", bears and snowmen to follow today for the "Cookie Tyrant"'s swap this evening. Just FYI, this involves 2 pounds of butter. We're talking serious cookies here. All goes well and said dough is stashed in the fridge to "chill overnight".

Flip to #3's nap time this morning. #2 and I have innumerable little bowls filled with all things "decor"-ish, our favorite cutters and away we go. Sheets of little dudes pop in the oven. 8 minutes later tragedy strikes. Sheets of Mutants from Mars emerge from said oven, flat and hard. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just what happened remains a mystery. It is a verifiable fact that the recipe was followed to the letter. Also verifiable that this is a tried and true classic...8 years of buttery soft orange-ginger goodness. Dough tested from all 4 batches converts to Body Snatcher status once baked. Flour is added. Ditto for baking soda. Mothers and sisters are consulted. Aliens take over all free counter space despite valiant efforts on all parts to stop the invasion. Heads are applied to walls and the "Tyrant" is notified of this peon's failure to produce acceptable goods.

It's noon and I really, really want a Bloody Mary or 5. Since I have to drive to pick up #1 later in the afternoon, I turn to what I think is going to be yarny goodness of such immense fun it will banish all thoughts of the deranged cookies running amok in the kitchen. To the laundry room!

There I pop the Stitch Diva clogs, lovingly crocheted for my sis in Lamb's Pride's best turquoise, red and sumptuous I can't stop rubbing it. They go in looking like they were made for Paul Bunyan, and I eagerly await their magical transformation. Once, twice, three times...all shrinking down nicely. Four, five, six, seven...uh, please, please, please get smaller! Eight, nine, ten...pauses for the water heater to catch up were necessary, there's no discernible progress, and I still have clogs big enough for my hubby's size 12 boats. More head-banging, more cursing. Yes, there was soap. Yes, there was really hot water. Yes, there was agitation. I even tried baking soda like CrochetMe suggests in their direction for their felted Market Bag pattern. I finally commit the ultimate act of desperation and even toss one in the dryer...nada. These babies are as small as they are going to be.

At this point, down 10 dozen cookies and one very special gift there's only one course of action clear to me...Blue Moon Winter Ale, my bed and Will Shortz Sudoku. Hopefully tomorrow is another day and solstice will chase the Christmas poltergeist away.

1 comment:

dragon knitter said...

i got here from my blog, lol. did you try throwing in a towel or 2? that helps agitation, and might have gotten more shrinkage. or maybe even scrubbing on them by hand? i know, that sounds hideous, but who knows? i'm doing a few felted things as well, and i need to get my fanny in gear, none has been felted, and one set is due saturday!