Saturday, September 23, 2006

Yarn therapy.

OK, when you have kids, you know it's not all sunshine and rainbows. But every once in awhile something happens that hits you like a punch in the guts, and it did for us yesterday.

#1 is 12 days into Kindergarten. We had dropped #2 off at preschool and were playing a name game on the way to her school...who in the car could name the most kids in her class. Adding #3's spontaneous 7 month old comments in and things were a little goofy. Until #1 says a name and follows up with "He's the one that hurts me." Then with further questioning goes on to describe a nauseating tale of playground bullying. Remember, I was driving. It's a miracle we're all still alive.

So, you can imagine what kind of day yesterday was. We got to school and I pulled the teacher aside, she's very concerned and we set a time to meet after school. Great. Now how to get through the day when I'm sobbing the whole way home? Alternating between crying and feeling like I'm going to vomit, it's clear things are not going to proceed as usual, my brain is just whirling and I need to shut it down or I'll be a raving lunatic by 3:30. I'd be grabbing #1 and running as far and as fast as I can.

Get #3 down for a nap, grab my iPod (loaded with back episodes of Cast-On and Craft-Lit) and head to my corner. Only, my chair is covered with pieces of the Cinnabar coat...cannot fathom trying to count rows and keep track of increases and decreases, so I set it aside and dive into my stash. And here's what came out:

I found some yummy, happy balls of Portofino cotton blends...Souffle (the green) and Paper (the blue) and went to town making a mindless boxy sweater for #2. You know, the kind you work all in one piece, with just a slit for the neck? I'm using hhdc and am really happy with the texture and how the colors are going together. The souffle yarn is a nubby 2 ply, and the paper is basically the same yarn with a paper-ish tape twisted in, making that tweedy effect when it's worked up. Both are soft and everything is nice and drapey. And, yes, I am changing balls mid-row. Guess I was not in the mood for neat and orderly, but with the bold colors and clean design it's working. I think this was plopped down WS up, the RS is much neater. It's going to be darling. This is where I got to yesterday, so of course it's now another UFO, but with the state of my mommy brain, I'll probably polish it off yet today, tomorrow latest, working to the dimensions of one of his favorite shirts, plus some for growth.

Something about the yarn and the rhythmic motions was calming. I always say it's like meditation for me...or maybe just escapism? Either or, yesterday the act of making was just perfect. I was doing something and my brain was calm...hmmm, maybe Brenda's voice and Pride and Predjudice had a bit to contribute to that picture too, but it worked. It got me through without obsessing every minute, the time passed....and I could still drive to pick her up at the end of the day, which I so wouldn't have if my sudden desire to dive into the liquor cabinet had won out.

Lots of questions, calls and a teacher conference later, I'm still very heartsick. I don't know what the answers are. Heck, I don't even think I know what all the issues and options are right now. I do know I'm sad, and I do know I need to feel like I'm taking care of my kids. For now, while I feel so helpless and out of control, what I can do is literally wrap them in my love. My guess is my stash diving isn't done and I'll be popping out other sweaters, hats, mittens, booties, animals and whatever with abandon.

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